My breath comes in quick bursts, with each one forming a little white cloud just past my parted lips. It's dark and very cold and I can already smell the wet dirt. The silence is eerie as we ascend the steep hill and cross the narrow street.
A fence comes into view and a premature chill runs down my spine. "Just be very quiet. Getting caught would be bad." You murmer into my ear, your warm breath heating my chilled skin. You look around a bit, visibly nervous, before finally announcing that the coast is clear and we aren't going to be caught. You step around me on your long legs, and carefully pull the slightly rotted fence aside for me.
I shake my head vigorously. Too afraid to enter alone, I wait to follow your lead. Once you have stepped in, you take my hand and lead me in after you. Just as my feet meet the damp, leaf scattered ground, headlights appear in the distance. You close the gate and we duck behind it, our hearts thumping our throats as we wait agnoizingly for it to pass.
Finally, with my heartbeat still the speed of lightning, we extend back up to our full heights and examine the scene around us. A thin veil of fog covers the ground, hovering above the soaked earth by just a few inches. It is interrupted only by the occassional rectangular monuments of stone, rising from the ground in a ring of fog. Just over the horizon sits the town, lit with Christmas lights. It looks so cheery down there that for a moment, I feel a longing to head back downtown and pretend this never happened.
But never one to be a chicken like I, you simply squeezed my hand like you were transferring some of your courage to me. "Best view in town," you announced on a single breath, admiring the valley below us. Sensing my worry, you cast your eyes around our direct surroundings once more. "Come on, there's a bench over there. I think you might feel better."
I bite my lip as you guide me down a path you have long memorized. "Do you realize how creepy it is that you know this place by heart?"
You laugh that glorious laugh that puts me a little more at ease. "My mom brought me us here about a week ago...". My eyes widen and you laugh again. "Not for that reason! She thought it would be fun. And it is, don't you think?" We reach the bench, which I quickly check to make sure is in fact a bench and not another of the stone markers, and sit down. You place your hand, which is miraculously still warm, on my cheek.
"It's certainly different..." I reply cautiously, trying to keep my eyes affixed on the town below us.
"You're freaked out, aren't you?"
"Terrified," I answer honestly, casting a nervous glance at all the graves. Although the ground hasn't been broken in nearly a century, I'm still scared stiff.
"Come on then," you say, "let's go back."
I kiss you suddenly, without warning. "There," I say, pulling back. "Now we've had that famously cliche experience of kissing in a graveyard as teenagers. Someday, you're going to tell your kids about that and I want you to fondly look back and remember the night we had the very best view in town. Deal?"
"Deal." You say, kissing me again.
November 25, 2011
November 22, 2011
Slide Sweetheart
Static electricity buzzes all around us as our lips meet once more.... This feeling is phenomenal, but sadly, thanks to the twisted priorities of the mind, forgettable. So let's preserve it, shall we?
I played here as a child. I used to squeal in delight sliding down this very slide, and over there, across the playground is where I broke my ankle. I used to spend long summer days here before walking home holding my mother's hand and returning to my perfect little world back home. This was my favorite place in the whole wide world.
Now, I find myself in the collision of my teenage and childhood favorite places: your arms and this slide. You pull me a little closer, the movement shifting the static in the tube of this slide and making my hair stand up. A smile spreads across your face, lit with the yellow of the sunshine filtering through the plastic slide. "I look ridiculous, I know." I laugh.
You smile a little wider and kiss my nose. "No, you always look beautiful to me."
I played here as a child. I used to squeal in delight sliding down this very slide, and over there, across the playground is where I broke my ankle. I used to spend long summer days here before walking home holding my mother's hand and returning to my perfect little world back home. This was my favorite place in the whole wide world.
Now, I find myself in the collision of my teenage and childhood favorite places: your arms and this slide. You pull me a little closer, the movement shifting the static in the tube of this slide and making my hair stand up. A smile spreads across your face, lit with the yellow of the sunshine filtering through the plastic slide. "I look ridiculous, I know." I laugh.
You smile a little wider and kiss my nose. "No, you always look beautiful to me."
November 3, 2011
Late Rehearsals Are Killing You
I hate those deeply carved hollows beneath your eyes. They seem to sneer out at me, in contrast with your steel blue eyes. A violent shade of purple, they taunt me with the physical reminder of how exhausted you truly are.
As I arrive in the morning, you cannot even get off your feet to greet me, but rather beg me silently with those incredibly expressive eyes to sit beside you. I do, and you say hello with a weak smile and a soft "Morning Sweetie". Your face is distant and blank however, and as you lean your head against my shoulder, I can see how desperately you want to give in to the lethargy.
Gently, I place my hand over yours, and as your thumb curls around it (you have enormous hands!) I notice how sluggish your movements are. I try to be chipper in my words, but you simply moan and close your eyes. You apologize, but as I see the complete draining of energy in your face, it becomes superfluous. I lean forward so I have a better view of your face, and the dark curtain of my hair swishes to block out the world. My own voice softens to a soothing tone, hardly more than a whisper as I tell you it'll be alright.
You smile a little, and open your shockingly bright eyes again, gazing into mine. "I know it will," you reply in a low whisper. "I have you here."
I kiss your forehead lovingly, and even though I loath the indolence you exhibit, I know that I will be there for you. Whether it's Shakespeare or a living person draining you, I will be there for you.
Love, Lilah Belle
As I arrive in the morning, you cannot even get off your feet to greet me, but rather beg me silently with those incredibly expressive eyes to sit beside you. I do, and you say hello with a weak smile and a soft "Morning Sweetie". Your face is distant and blank however, and as you lean your head against my shoulder, I can see how desperately you want to give in to the lethargy.
Gently, I place my hand over yours, and as your thumb curls around it (you have enormous hands!) I notice how sluggish your movements are. I try to be chipper in my words, but you simply moan and close your eyes. You apologize, but as I see the complete draining of energy in your face, it becomes superfluous. I lean forward so I have a better view of your face, and the dark curtain of my hair swishes to block out the world. My own voice softens to a soothing tone, hardly more than a whisper as I tell you it'll be alright.
You smile a little, and open your shockingly bright eyes again, gazing into mine. "I know it will," you reply in a low whisper. "I have you here."
I kiss your forehead lovingly, and even though I loath the indolence you exhibit, I know that I will be there for you. Whether it's Shakespeare or a living person draining you, I will be there for you.
Love, Lilah Belle
November 2, 2011
Dancing In The Forest
Never the dancer, I cautiously smiled up at you and declined, to which you merely took my hands and started to sway. Firmly at first, I told you no. Even in the darkness, I just couldn't handle the impending mortification that is me dancing. However, as the smell of your skin intoxicated me and your softly worded requests rung in my ears, my resolve broke down.
Before I knew it, my hips were giving in and I swayed along with you. Then, as if by magic...
The music moved into a sunnier tenor, and the tempo picked up. The love song reached its height of passion, and your feet took off, leading me into a flawless waltz. The lights raised at that exact moment, illuminating us in the muted aqua shades of the stage lights. Although I knew it was just a set, we were suddenly in an enchanted forest, surrounded by a draping of Spanish moss over the low hanging trees. We were dancing, really dancing, in that magical world that belonged to just us.
Even when the music stopped and the harsh white stage lights returned to obstruct our view, I still felt the same. Swimming in the deepest of affections I had ever felt, I whispered an I love you to quiet for even myself to hear. But, newly in tuned, you heard me. And, as caught up in the moment as me, you returned it to me in the liquidy smooth voice I love more and more each day.
Love, Lilah Belle
November 1, 2011
Hell Week
http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?v=GutCmR3yKzg&list=PL6E04F2133EE20A27&index=4&feature=plpp_video
It's opening week of your production, and the countdown is dwindling, with just three more days of rehearsals until you open. They call this week hell week for all you actors in the show, but I'm discovering that it's hell week for all of us.
As the deep violet hollows beneath your eyes exhibit, you really are going through hell this week. With rehearsals running late, you've hardly had time to even breathe, much less communicate with me. It's been nearly three days since you and I even had a decent conversation. And when I do see you, you're a zombie, hardly even able to murmer a hello in your exhausted state. It's a wonder you're still on your feet, much less making any effort to interact with people. But you're trying, and that has to count for something....
And it's only Monday.
Happy hell week, honey. Feel better soon.
Love, Lilah Belle
It's opening week of your production, and the countdown is dwindling, with just three more days of rehearsals until you open. They call this week hell week for all you actors in the show, but I'm discovering that it's hell week for all of us.
As the deep violet hollows beneath your eyes exhibit, you really are going through hell this week. With rehearsals running late, you've hardly had time to even breathe, much less communicate with me. It's been nearly three days since you and I even had a decent conversation. And when I do see you, you're a zombie, hardly even able to murmer a hello in your exhausted state. It's a wonder you're still on your feet, much less making any effort to interact with people. But you're trying, and that has to count for something....
And it's only Monday.
Happy hell week, honey. Feel better soon.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 25, 2011
The Ticking Clock
It still haunts me, nonetheless. Tick tock, whispers my internal clock. Your eyes, that familiar shade of grey-blue, flash before my own. Tick tock.
Tick tock, my mind murmers softly. I recall the smooth liquid tone as your voice tells me you love me. Tick tock, tick tock.
Tick tock, taunts my brain relentlessly. I feel an echo of the electricty of your touch run up my spine. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tick tock.
My eyes are heavy now, as midnight draws near. Even just a day is too long to go without you, as the clock enjoys reminding me.
Tonight, I seek comfort, however, in the fact that each stiff moment leads me closer to your return. Only a million revolutions to go. Oh, tick tock. God speed to that annoying clock.
I miss you.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 23, 2011
Stacks
I had never imagined doing this, but today, I allowed you into my paradise. Our fingers interlaced, I led you carefully into the store, weaving our way through the shelves of books ceiling high. More extensive, more cultured, less populated than our town library; I have always truly considered that store to be my true home.
I had expected myself to draw back quietly into the stacks of heaven as I always do and you to just stand by awkwardly, but was pleasantly surprised when you felt every bit as at home as I was. My smile grew miles wide as we laughed in the narrow aisles between the shelves. You grinned at me and winked as you slipped around corner after corner, always just out of reach from my affectionate touch. The shopkeeper, too, took a grandmotherly look of adoration as she watched us wind our way through the store; obviously feeling the delightful love between us too. She played a love song for us, something in French with an amorous melody I still can't get out of my mind, as she watched our banter.
Finally, we settled together in a leather chair in the back of the store. The only sound was the soft purr of your voice as you read to me. For once, I couldn't even focus on the literature, though. I found myself gazing at your face as you read the sweet poetry, thinking to myself that this had to be the happiest moment I've ever had in the place I once considered to be heaven. I realized, though, that is was only heaven now that you were there with me completing the moment so perfect I had never even dreamed of it.
Love, Lilah Belle
I had expected myself to draw back quietly into the stacks of heaven as I always do and you to just stand by awkwardly, but was pleasantly surprised when you felt every bit as at home as I was. My smile grew miles wide as we laughed in the narrow aisles between the shelves. You grinned at me and winked as you slipped around corner after corner, always just out of reach from my affectionate touch. The shopkeeper, too, took a grandmotherly look of adoration as she watched us wind our way through the store; obviously feeling the delightful love between us too. She played a love song for us, something in French with an amorous melody I still can't get out of my mind, as she watched our banter.
Finally, we settled together in a leather chair in the back of the store. The only sound was the soft purr of your voice as you read to me. For once, I couldn't even focus on the literature, though. I found myself gazing at your face as you read the sweet poetry, thinking to myself that this had to be the happiest moment I've ever had in the place I once considered to be heaven. I realized, though, that is was only heaven now that you were there with me completing the moment so perfect I had never even dreamed of it.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 15, 2011
Fairy Lights
The whimsy of fairy lights has always caught my fancy. Since I was a child, I have been enraptured by their twinkling and mesmerized by the romance they seem to put off. Fairy lights, to me, capture the entire essence of the night sky....
And tonight was no different. Tonight, as I found myself entangled in your arms, I still noted the twinkling of the fairy lights overhead. Their glow glinted off the pink satin of your slightly askew tie, and caught the glitter of happiness in your eye. The soft light illuminated your wide smile, seeming to both brighten and soften it. The magic of being with you was only increased by all the pretty lights.
My breath caught in my throat tonight as you leaned down to whisper in my ear a soft, "I love tonight. I love you." With those magical lights looking on, I closed my eyes to memorize the moment and meet your lips in a sweet kiss.
Love, Lilah Belle
And tonight was no different. Tonight, as I found myself entangled in your arms, I still noted the twinkling of the fairy lights overhead. Their glow glinted off the pink satin of your slightly askew tie, and caught the glitter of happiness in your eye. The soft light illuminated your wide smile, seeming to both brighten and soften it. The magic of being with you was only increased by all the pretty lights.
My breath caught in my throat tonight as you leaned down to whisper in my ear a soft, "I love tonight. I love you." With those magical lights looking on, I closed my eyes to memorize the moment and meet your lips in a sweet kiss.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 14, 2011
A New World
When I was a little girl, I loved the Chronicles of Narnia. I relished the idea of entering a magical kingdom that was far from home, the idea of escaping my world for one that was entirely different! I remember sitting on the floor of my messy little bedroom with my nose buried in the book, submerging myself with the fantastical world.
Now that I am a teenager, I have long since abandoned that world. However, I have not deserted the idea of escaping to a whole different world. So, today, when you took my hand and led me away, I felt a pang of nostalgia. As you wended down the hallway and led me to the room where we could be alone, I felt something entirely new... yet somehow familiar.
Your hand rested on my cheek as our lips met and as you murmered a declaration of your affections for me,I found myself in an entirely new, fantastical world. Slow snowfall of Narnia was replaced with the thin layer of dust covering the neglected shelves. Beds of leaves to dive into became the twisted blue cotton mass of your bed. The magical world shifted to encompass your bedroom, to enclose only our kissing forms.
Your company is my magic. It has truly changed everything I thought I once knew... it has taught me how to love.
And love only you.
Love, Lilah Belle
Now that I am a teenager, I have long since abandoned that world. However, I have not deserted the idea of escaping to a whole different world. So, today, when you took my hand and led me away, I felt a pang of nostalgia. As you wended down the hallway and led me to the room where we could be alone, I felt something entirely new... yet somehow familiar.
Your hand rested on my cheek as our lips met and as you murmered a declaration of your affections for me,I found myself in an entirely new, fantastical world. Slow snowfall of Narnia was replaced with the thin layer of dust covering the neglected shelves. Beds of leaves to dive into became the twisted blue cotton mass of your bed. The magical world shifted to encompass your bedroom, to enclose only our kissing forms.
Your company is my magic. It has truly changed everything I thought I once knew... it has taught me how to love.
And love only you.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 5, 2011
Our Trio
We're already a little crowded in our relationship, a trio where a duo should be. We're already getting clausterphobic here, too close for comfort for any of us. So tell me, why am I feeling so alone?
These circumstances are anything but normal, and no one can really help. These trials are unique to us, no counsel can possible soothe our pains. Only we could sort this out, if only we knew how. There's no roadmap or playbook though, seems like we're on our own.
I don't want this anymore--I'm tired of being confused. I hate watching him hurt, but I want nothing but to be with you. I love him like family, but I'm in love with you. I can't possibly choose between hurting you by satiating him, or hurting him to keep you content. It's hurting me to go through all this, but suffering my pain seems to be the most fair option.
I want you. I want to keep being best friends with him. I can't talk to you or risk killing you. I can't talk to him or risk killing all three of us. But keeping all this inside is killing me too. I'm all alone in our crowded relationship, scared and ever so confused.
Love, Lilah Belle
These circumstances are anything but normal, and no one can really help. These trials are unique to us, no counsel can possible soothe our pains. Only we could sort this out, if only we knew how. There's no roadmap or playbook though, seems like we're on our own.
I don't want this anymore--I'm tired of being confused. I hate watching him hurt, but I want nothing but to be with you. I love him like family, but I'm in love with you. I can't possibly choose between hurting you by satiating him, or hurting him to keep you content. It's hurting me to go through all this, but suffering my pain seems to be the most fair option.
I want you. I want to keep being best friends with him. I can't talk to you or risk killing you. I can't talk to him or risk killing all three of us. But keeping all this inside is killing me too. I'm all alone in our crowded relationship, scared and ever so confused.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 4, 2011
The Hourglass
I stood and gazed at the masterpiece for a long while, relishing in learning its finer points and details. For so long, in fact, that almost the entire heaping mass of sand has cascaded from the upper bulb into the lower.
The time, I found, had almost run out.
Suddenly, I was struck with a strong desire to save the hourglass I had come to love. I needed to replenish the time in order to continue admiring the magnificent piece. So, I tried to lift it to turn it over and refresh it.
But being the weakling I am, I found that it was too heavy for me to lift. I struggled with it with all my might, heaving with everything I had, and still it would not budge. I grew more desperate with each passing second, as each grain of sand fell to join the growing dune at the bottom.
I was running out of time.
Frantically, I ran, searching for help with my compulsive need to save my newfound love. Conveniently, you were the first person I saw. I tried and tried to get you to come back with me, to fall in love with the hourglass too and help me save it. I begged and pleaded with you, pulling your hand to get you to follow me.
Except you were too caught up in his own little world to help me. In fact, you didn’t notice me at all. You haven’t for a long time anyway.
The supply of sand was dwindling, I knew. I cried out exasperatedly, begging you to please notice me. But you don't. You just keep talking to someone else, like I’m not even there.
I screamed, but still didn’t wake. You see, this isn’t a nightmare at all- it is real. We're are running out of time and you can’t even help me to replenish our hourglass. Honestly, you don’t even know I’m there anymore.
Love, Lilah Belle
Branches Aflame
I need a break from this melancholy, from the chilled October rains. I need to get away for a while, maybe take a drive someplace.
There's a meadow not too far from here, overlooking a deep valley carved between the two hillsides that divide my county. The maples lining the hills are aflame now, lighting the canyons with brilliant scarlet. Soon the aspens too, will go up in color. Rich reds, soft orange, bright canaries... the leaves light up with the rainbow of colors. The grassy meadows verdant in their spots, offsetting the cerulean sky. That's what I need. I need to refresh my eye with the beauty of autumn.
I need to get away, even for just a few hours. I need to go. Oh! How I've missed looking upon beautiful things. I've been blinded by my problems for so long, I've forgotten how happy gazing upon a single pretty moment can make me. Really, I think I've forgotten happiness in general. It's been so long.
Love, Lilah Belle
There's a meadow not too far from here, overlooking a deep valley carved between the two hillsides that divide my county. The maples lining the hills are aflame now, lighting the canyons with brilliant scarlet. Soon the aspens too, will go up in color. Rich reds, soft orange, bright canaries... the leaves light up with the rainbow of colors. The grassy meadows verdant in their spots, offsetting the cerulean sky. That's what I need. I need to refresh my eye with the beauty of autumn.
I need to get away, even for just a few hours. I need to go. Oh! How I've missed looking upon beautiful things. I've been blinded by my problems for so long, I've forgotten how happy gazing upon a single pretty moment can make me. Really, I think I've forgotten happiness in general. It's been so long.
Love, Lilah Belle
October 3, 2011
Rainstorm
The soft breeze, charged with the smooth chill of the coming storm, reached my face. It blows back a few tendrils of hair, lifting them off my shoulders in a graceful dance. The sky is steel and dim, sheathed in a soft veil of clouds. The light that filters through the storm is soft as the scarf at my throat.
I shiver in the gentle of the October air, feeling the miserability of the coming autumn. I hear only the sound of leaves crashing together in the breeze and the echo of my own heart beat. Each breath I drag into my lungs tastes of rain that has yet to fall.
I fall back onto the grass, gazing up at the silvery sky, just waiting for it to begin. I wait for the downpour to pound upon me, to wash away all the regrets I have formed. I lay in wait for the sky to open up and send down it’s acknowledgement of the ache within me. But, as the clock glides along it’s circular path, relief does not come.
The sky stares down at me sorrowfully, like it wants nothing more than to oblige me. But it doesn’t. Not a single droplet falls.
Weakly, I raise myself once more. I sit up, and the breeze once again brushes it’s freezing fingers across my face. I feel my nose go numb and the curls that had cascaded over my shoulders brush back in a slow waltz. Then I feel it.
The single drop on my cheek. I note, however, that the clouds were not the one who released it, but my eye. I sit there, the first tear running down my face, and feel the rainstorm begin.
--Lilah Belle
I shiver in the gentle of the October air, feeling the miserability of the coming autumn. I hear only the sound of leaves crashing together in the breeze and the echo of my own heart beat. Each breath I drag into my lungs tastes of rain that has yet to fall.
I fall back onto the grass, gazing up at the silvery sky, just waiting for it to begin. I wait for the downpour to pound upon me, to wash away all the regrets I have formed. I lay in wait for the sky to open up and send down it’s acknowledgement of the ache within me. But, as the clock glides along it’s circular path, relief does not come.
The sky stares down at me sorrowfully, like it wants nothing more than to oblige me. But it doesn’t. Not a single droplet falls.
Weakly, I raise myself once more. I sit up, and the breeze once again brushes it’s freezing fingers across my face. I feel my nose go numb and the curls that had cascaded over my shoulders brush back in a slow waltz. Then I feel it.
The single drop on my cheek. I note, however, that the clouds were not the one who released it, but my eye. I sit there, the first tear running down my face, and feel the rainstorm begin.
--Lilah Belle
October 2, 2011
Suddenly Three
This isn't supposed to feel like this, it isn't supposed to feel so wrong. Wrapped in your arms, everything is supposed to feel at peace. The whole world is supposed to be right, once it was even perfect here. But now, things just aren't quite right.
His eyes rest upon us, and I simply can't focus in your gaze. His sorrow radiates beside us, and the bliss can no longer overcome me now. I close my eyes to kiss you, but I can still see his sad face behind my closed lids. Our lips meet and tongues dance, but my mind can't zero in on the perpetual joy between us, it stays with him; feels his pain. I feel like I'm betraying you, but it's all completely involuntary.
It isn't right, and it's killing me slowly. This is supposed to be just you and I, this relationship made for two. So then why, why, why are we so crowded? Why are we suddenly three, instead of you and me?
Love, Lilah Belle
His eyes rest upon us, and I simply can't focus in your gaze. His sorrow radiates beside us, and the bliss can no longer overcome me now. I close my eyes to kiss you, but I can still see his sad face behind my closed lids. Our lips meet and tongues dance, but my mind can't zero in on the perpetual joy between us, it stays with him; feels his pain. I feel like I'm betraying you, but it's all completely involuntary.
It isn't right, and it's killing me slowly. This is supposed to be just you and I, this relationship made for two. So then why, why, why are we so crowded? Why are we suddenly three, instead of you and me?
Love, Lilah Belle
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